Calling all Scotsmen:

Always use good English...

A man's cupping his hand to scoop water from a Highland burn.

Game keeper shouts ' Dinnae drink thon water min, its foo o' coo's shite ‘n pish.’

Man replies 'My good fellow, I'm English .....repeat that in English'.

Gamekeeper replies 'i said use both hands - you get more that way'