A Joke

Since it seems to be the year of Weddings...

Fred and Mary got married but can't afford a honeymoon, so they go back to Fred's Mum and Dad's for their first night together.

In the morning, Johnny , Fred's little brother, gets up and has his breakfast. As he is going out of the door to go to school, he asks his mum if Fred and Mary are up yet. She replies, "No". Johnny asks, "Do you know what I think?" His mum replies , "I don't want to hear what you think! Just go to school."

Johnny comes home for lunch and asks his mom, "Are Fred and Mary up yet?" She replies, "No." Johnny says, "Do you know what I think?" His mum replies, "Never mind what you think! Eat your lunch and go back to school."

After school, Johnny comes home and asks again, "Are Fred and Mary up yet?" His mum says, "No." He asks, "Do you know what I think?" His mum replies, "OK, now tell me what you think?"

He says: "Last night Fred came to my room for the Vaseline and I think I gave him my airplane glue."

Another Reason We Are Lucky To Live In Aotearoa

A few weeks back I had the pleasure of cruising Milford Sound again for a couple of hours under a clearing sky. Is there a better sight in NZ? We had it all, from keas hijacking the car on the road to a pod of bottlenose dolphins surfing the wake of the boat for 20 minutes as we headed out down the fiord.


Its another do-it-before-you-die necessity, and I was lucky enough to be there the same week I was on Great Barrier Island. Now theres a challenge to beat....

You Know Where You Are?

You're in the Jungle baby........you're gonna diiiiieeeeeeeeee!!!!!

Three weeks left till Guns n Roses hit NZ. Gn'R was the first concert I ever saw, way back in 1987 as a 15 year old. That gig still sits in my top 5 of all time, they quite literally changed the face of popular music that year with the timeless Appetite for Destruction album. I saw them again in 1993, wasn't as good a show as they were drugged out overblown rockstars in decline at that point, but from all accounts the current Chinese Democracy is one of the highest rated (and attended) shows on the planet at the present time, so come on Axl, put the bloody album out!

I have a ticket for the Auckland show, but now theres a ChCh gig announced it'll make more sense to try and go there. Funnily enough the last show I saw at the Westpac Arena in ChCH was Velvet Revolver, where most of the original members of Gn'R now reside- and the day Axl and the boys play there is the same day Velvet Revolver release their new album. I wonder if Axl will notice....

Here's a couple of clips that completely sum up what makes Guns N Roses so interesting. They are such a split personality, one minute balls to the wall punk driven rock, the next minute grandiose epic power rock.

First clip is a real treat- lotsa fun- Lost in the Garden of Eden from Use Your Illusion. Click the pic to play this hidden gem...thank you You Tube!



Second clip is my favourate G N R track of all time, Estranged. It's loosely described as the sequel to November Rain, charting Axl Roses personal drug riddled demons and the path to redemption. So here you go, enjoy one of the most expensive music videos ever made.... no doubt coz the dolphins charged ridiculous appearance fees!

A Very Special Morning

This morning I got to be involved in the release of two Kokako (Eunice and Wairoa, previously from Tiritiri Matangi Island) into the Hunua Ranges. A very very special morning- up with the birds for it, quite literally, but its yet another highlight of the perks of my time with DOC. These two young ladies are part of a wider release program and will hopefully be busy meeting some nice young men right now as I type.

These birds are amazingly regal, and their song is just the most haunting thing I've ever heard. Heres Warren lugging the birds and a couple of pics of them being released to their new home.

And by the way its most likely the last bit of banana that Eunice will ever eat! Hope she enjoyed it.

Razor Review- Liam Finn at the Kings Arms

Pic lifted promo poster http://www.myspace.com/theliamfinn

What better way to round out NZ Music Month by going to a gig by one of the Finn Dynasty? Especially given the broadside that Neil Finn fired at PM Clark to start the month...

Young Liam is flying solo now and very much standing on his own two feet. Its scary to think he's still only in his early 20's but already has played on 4 albums over a decade Starting on guitars with his old mans first solo effort, growing into the ever intriguing and alternative Betchadupa and now culminating in what sounds like its going to be a brave and fascinating solo album of his own, to be released shortly.

Tonight's show consisted entirely of new material, apart from one Betchadupa number in the encores. It was adventurous, energetic, often impromptu stuff and never for a moment dull. Hard to pin down the multitude of influences here, but Mr Finn's one man band performance with the aid of loop tracks and a gorgeous backing vocalist was truly outstanding and innovative. At times it was like being at a Radiohead-meets-The Who gig, if the CD release is half as good as tonight's show then it'll be a must by. There's even a twist of (dare I say this) Lindon Puffin style stuff in this lot. And now hes old enough to drink, when he sings "let the alcohol drown your dreams" you think he might actually know how it feels!

One minute he's crooning away like old man Neil, next minute shredding up the guitar, next minute bashing out stunning drum solo's- the drums in particular really got the crowd response going. At times it was like watching some mad professor inventing a new element for the periodic table, with him attempting to play every instrument he could lay his hands on, often all at once. And for the encore he was joined on stage by younger brother Elroy- who would put Dave Grohl to shame with the drumming sticksmanship. Illuminating stuff- Finn Brothers Mark II anyone?

The Razor review gives this gig an 8 out of 10, highly entertaining and a must see when the tour comes to your town. Talent is in the genes it seems. Expect the unexpected here.

Article here on New CD and tour and Liam's Myspace page is here, complete with videos, singles and stuff. Have a look!

And check out the Osama Bin Laden look he's cultivating!

Not a Blue Moon....but nearly

We missed out on having a Blue Moon tonight by a matter of hours- other parts of the world have it tonight due to timezones, but we have to wait til July for ours.

In case you're wondering, a blue moon is a second full moon in a calendar month

See here for full briefing

80's Fashion Crimes Return

As reported on Stuff.co.nz the disaster known as the 'Rats Tail' has reappeared. What is most disturbing to me about this is the impact Wellngton Rugby players are having on the fashion impressionabilities of Christchurch kids.

I'm sure most of us would prefer they modelled themselves of Dan or Richie. Whats next? Mascara a la Nonu? Leg Warmers?

Great Barrier Island- A Frontier Slice of Paradise

One of the many true honours I have had working for the Department is having the opportunity to visit The Barrier on several occasions. It's truly a magic place and could not be further removed from the hustle and bustle of the big smoke. The people are outstanding and the scenery is as good as anything you'll find in New Zealand.

Do it before you die, or before the developers get there....for anyone who tramps, surfs, catches fish(apart from in the Marine Reserve, of course) or just loves the quiet life.

Welcome Home

Where is winter? Its been 22 degrees the past two days and its a balmy shorts and tee shirt with doors and windows flung open type of evening here in the South Island tonight, not bad for late May. Light norwest breeze wafting around, stunning sunset, just the ticket really.

I know one or two very important people who aren't at all upset at this sort of weather...and I must admit I'm starting to come around to their way of thinking.

Had first day at the new job today, its going to be brilliant. We'll be working on High Country farm reviews from Southland to Marlborough and everywhere in the Southern Alps in between and yes, there will be helicopter trips into the mountains. Its going to be fun, challenging and rewarding, everything you could want in a job really. And my negotiation skills will be made or broken!

Heres a pic of what a cracker ChCh sunset looks like to go out on for today...

I Quit My Job Today

A sad day and a happy one all at once....I think they call that bittersweet?

And I start the new one in Christchurch on Monday. Beat that for speed of transition.

Life is very very kind at the moment....praise be.

Another Clean Up Job Underway

As reported previously, there is a nasty Rattus problem around at the moment. One of the last remaining billboards in Auckland (soon to look like Paris- the one in orange overalls that is) displays the extent of the damage from the recent visit of Mr Rattus Norvegus.

You Took The Words Right Out Of My Mouth

Have seen this one on several blogs now....like the style. Don't tell anyone in Hamiltron mind you!

Razor Review- The Routeburn Classic

The full 38km race profile..... one or two mountains in the way! (Click on Pic for blow up)

Well it snowed the two nights before the race. But race day was perfect, not a cloud in the sky, not a breath of win. What better day to be celebrating ones birthday, running the Routeburn and heading up the Queenstown Gondola for a few celebratories?

I had a really shitty sleep the night before, was wound up on too many carbohydrates and pre race nerves, I had about 3 hours sleep all told before getting up at 5.43am- exactly the time of day I was born 35 years previously- there's gotta be something in that, and ever since I have never been a morning person! (Sorry Mum)

So anyway, the first half of the race was a real slog, total "what the hell are we doing here" material. There's a couple of real gutbusters in there, especially the climb out of Lake McKenzie about an hour and a half into the race. Talk about sucking it in....but theres nothing like the view down the Hollyford and over to the Darren's to fire up motivation levels!


Harris Saddle came and went and was as spectacular as I've ever seen it, all I wanted to do was stop for lunch! But on we slogged on and to be honest at that point it becomes a drag race- either downhill or flat for the last 15 km.

After Falls Hut I did just that- twisted my ankle on the steep section. To be honest I'd forgotten just how much boulder hopping there is on the Routeburn, must have got 'lazy' on too many Kepler's. But the loud crack that came from the ole ankle as it went over didn't sound flash and the dude behind me heard it round the corner(!) which gave the initial "Oh crap I'm getting a broken ankle for my birthday" thought, but thank god its only a minor strain and post race physio means in ten days I'll be running again. I actually caned the last 10km after that which was great, since last time I did this race I really hit the wall in this section.

Congrats also to Jane and Hannah from Te Anau DOC (professional mountain goats) who nailed the race 2 minutes either side of Te Razor (who lives chained to a desk). Kudos!

And for the record I beat the support crew around again- but in their defence they had a hell of a long drive around and also had to do the housework! Jo and Paul were magnificent, and to be honest without them I would have had no hope of making the Gondola dinner and the half dozen Bourbons and flash harry smorgasbord meal that awaited.

Special mention to Chris and Stacey to- thanks so much for the effort of joining us- it was a great night and I even got spot prizes, a Speights Bag and some Cocktail Glasses. Nice!

All in all the Razor Review gives Routeburn Classic 10 out of 10 and cannot wait for next years event! Walk this track before you die, and combine it with the Milford Track over a week for the best damn seven days and you'll have in this country scenery wise (you don't have to run it then!) , pictures simply don''t do it justice.

A couple more random tasty Routeburn Pics here- not from race day though...

Six Degrees of Separation...

From Bain to Hubbard to Freddy to Cobain....spooky

The Deed Is Done

Will post more later, when fully recovered, but all went to plan. Very very much to plan. A slightly sprained ankle, but nailed I it in 5 hours and 1min, which proves that I've worked out how to beat the ageing process... I'm faster at age 35 than I was at age 30. Full report soonish. We live in an amazing country!

Picture attached comes thanks to Warren, me (apparently) training on the Kepler Track on Friday prior to the event.

Its All Go....

Race day tomorrow. Snow on the hills but sun is shining, cannot wait. Chomping at the bit for this, its the culmination of something set in place six months ago as a target and its deliverance day tomorrow.

Been in Te Anau the last couple of days, still my favorite place in the country. Milford Sound yesterday- went for a cruise down the fiord and got dutably blown away. We are damn lucky with what we have in this country- I'll post pics next week!

In the last 8 days I've been from Great Barrier Island to Milford Sound....now theres a challenge to beat!

See you all on the other side of 35.....
Te Razor

Kurt Cobain was a Pajama Wearer

If he had any nouse like us smart people he wouldn't own any pajama's, and then this post- humous embarrassment would never have happened.

Courtney is a thief- (Link)

The Final Run-In

Well I absolutely stuffed myself on the 15km run home for work in what will be the last big hit out before Saturday Race Day.

Probably had something to do with the 20km in the Waitakere's yesterday from Karekare to Whatipu along the hills and then back up the beach. What a stunner of a day I'll let the pics do the talking!

So it's off to the Mainland tomorrow and the drive down through Central Otago is always a treat at this time of year- the colours of autumn like no other place in NZ.

Latest weather prognoses for Saturday range from snow to 700m down there to a big fat high sitting over the South Island. Fingers crossed for the latter... but snow would be quite surreal given I had my first ever May swim in the ocean in NZ yesterday- and yes it was even warm!

I'll be Riding Six White Horses....

Mainly coz my poor old car is dying...

However, for those of you who know about my High Country 'project' that I've been working on the last few weeks, today has nailed it- its all go! Time for a celebratory or two folks.

Fan- bloody- tastic, I'm going home, and I get to cruise 'Around the Mountains' for work, and for play.

Captain Mark- Don't Let This Happen In Rarotonga

From Stuff.co.nz:

Tuesday, 01 May 2007
Brother steps in for drunk groom
PATNA: Villagers at a wedding in eastern India decided the groom had arrived too drunk to get married, and so the bride married the groom's more sober brother instead, police said on Monday.
"The groom was drunk and had reportedly misbehaved with guests when the bride's family and local villagers chased him away," Madho Singh, a senior police officer said after Sunday's marriage in a village in Bihar state's Arwal district.
The younger brother readily agreed to take the groom's place beside the teenage bride at her family's invitation, witnesses said.
"The groom apologised for his behaviour, but has been crying that word will spread and he will never get a bride again," Singh said by phone.